Spirit-Led or Flesh-Fed: Why Church Keeps Breaking Your Heart
The Real Reason Behind Church Hurt Nobody Talks About
What’s good, Siblings in Christ! Welcome back to The Recap where I host unusual articles with a biblical twist so you can walk out of the world and walk into the Word.
Hey everyone, I appreciate your patience. I haven’t been feeling well the past few days and needed to step back for a moment. I write everything myself, so when life happens, the content slows down—but I’m back now.
Here’s something I wish somebody told me a long time ago: Pray that the Lord leads you to believers filled with the Holy Spirit who actually listen to Him. Because if you don’t? You’ll find yourself surrounded by carnal Christians filled with their flesh, listening to their flesh, and you’ll wonder why church keeps breaking your heart.
Walk with me. 🚶♀️
BOW YA HEADZ
Heavenly Father, we invite Your Holy Spirit into this conversation. Give us ears to hear, eyes to see, and hearts soft enough to receive correction. We’re not here to bash Your church, but to understand why Your children keep getting wounded in buildings that bear Your name. Lead us into all truth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
THE REAL TALK: Flesh vs. Spirit
The Five Senses vs. The Holy Spirit
When I talk about “the flesh,” I’m talking about operating from your five senses—what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. I’m talking about being moved by what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling, and what we believe based on our opinions, assumptions, and judgments of others.
But Spirit-led believers? They operate differently. They’re moved by the Holy Spirit. They walk in the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, self-control, gentleness, and humility. IYKYK. They listen when the Holy Spirit brings Scripture to their remembrance and gives them instructions on how to apply it to what’s happening in that moment.
📖 “For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Carnal (Greek: sarkikos - Strong’s G4559): pertaining to the flesh, controlled by bodily appetites, worldly, governed by mere human nature rather than the Spirit of God
Spirit (Greek: pneuma - Strong’s G4151): breath, wind; the third person of the Godhead, the Holy Spirit; the spiritual nature of humans
Here’s the issue: Most Christians never seek the Holy Spirit for counsel. And even when He offers it, they don’t take it. They listen, but they don’t apply it.
I’m not saying this to be condemning—I’ve made these same mistakes. But I’m saying it so you understand why you experience the rejection, the abandonment, the invisibility in church buildings.
When Church Becomes a See-Through Experience
You walk into church hurting. Exhausted. In pain. Mourning. Grieving.
And you can leave the exact same way you came in because no one asked the Holy Spirit about the state of the hearts in the room. They have no way of properly discerning if you’re even okay.
Why? Because carnal Christians discern by what they see. You need to look destitute for them to believe something’s wrong. You need to be crying, screaming, falling out, looking homeless, wearing raggedy clothes, dirty, stinky—you need an extreme negative appearance for them to tell your soul is hurting.
But the truth? Even if you’re dressed in a $5,000 outfit head to toe with a beautiful smile, healthy hair, visible muscles from the gym, and a well-groomed beard, the Holy Spirit is still able to reveal the spiritual state of an individual to a spiritually mature believer that ask Him (prayer) and listens for His response.
📖 “But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Heart (Hebrew: lebab - Strong’s H3824): inner person, mind, will, understanding, the seat of emotions and passions, the center of moral character
But here’s the reality: That kind of discernment takes great maturity, great discipline, and great intimacy with God.
The Expensive Bill of Intimacy
And intimacy with God? It’s expensive.
The bill of time you have to pay to be intimate with God is expensive.
The bill of energy you have to pay to be intimate with God is expensive.
The bill of sacrifice you have to pay to be intimate with God is expensive.
The bill of separation you have to pay to be intimate with God is expensive.
The bill of studying you have to pay to be intimate with God is expensive.
Most of us simply can’t afford it. And even if we can, sometimes we’re cheap and refuse to pay it.
📖 “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Strait (Greek: stenos - Strong’s G4728): narrow, confined; requiring effort and intentionality to pass through
So instead, we go with the greater value option: discerning by our five senses, our intellect, our logic.
And there’s always going to be error in that—because our intellect, logic, and five senses are not the Spirit of God. They don’t know the hearts of men.
Orientation, Not Expectation
Treat Church Like Orientation
I’m telling you this so you understand what you’re dealing with when you walk into these church buildings. Treat it like orientation at a job or a new class at college.
Go expecting to be taught.
Go looking to discern the information you’re being taught.
See what you can apply to your life, what you can learn from, what can improve your understanding of the Word of God.
But when it comes to anything else—in this day and age, with the current state of the church in 2025?
I do not recommend you go there for relationships unless you are absolutely sure that the Lord has led you to do so.
I know this is unpopular, but I’m still saying it.
📖 “Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Trust (Hebrew: batach - Strong’s H982): to have confidence in, to feel safe, to be secure; to place one’s hope in
Flesh (Hebrew: basar - Strong’s H1320): human nature, the body, mortal humanity apart from divine influence
Go to the Lord about relationships. Ask Him to bless you with friends in Christ, sisters and brothers in Christ, love in Christ, relationships in Christ. Don’t go into the church building looking for that.
Why We Get Church Hurt: The Bone of It All
Let’s really be real about it. Let’s get to the bone of church hurt.
Many of us went into church buildings yearning for:
A friendship with someone who knows the Lord so we can be supported in getting to know Him
An elder who knows the Lord who will give us that godly motherly or fatherly love our parents couldn’t give us
A mentor who knows the Lord where we’d have a safe space to grow and develop in a godly manner
That’s what many of us wanted.
Instead, we got met with humanity. We got the same things that made it hard to establish relationships in high school. The same things we dealt with in college. The same things we encounter in life—because it’s a human thing, a flesh thing, a sin thing.
📖 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” IYKYK.
📖 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Sinned (Greek: hamartano - Strong’s G264): to miss the mark, to err, to wander from the path of uprightedness and honor
But I’m telling you: Spare yourself the unnecessary rejection. Pray that the Lord will bless you with people who:
Understand you
See you
Take the time to get to know you
Are patient and gentle with you
Are willing to love you for who you are
Not because you begged or demanded it. Not because they pity you.
But because they can relate to you. Because the Lord led them into friendship with you. Because they actually see what God is doing in you and the beauty in that—instead of only seeing what the devil has done to you and the damage of that.
REAL TALK MOMENT: The Apology You Deserve
I empathize with your church hurt. I understand it.
I know you don’t get the apologies you deserve. You don’t get the acknowledgment. You don’t get to witness the accountability that’s well-deserved because of what they did to you.
But here’s what I will say: If there’s one thing to take in prayer that will get you far better results than taking it to people, it’s godly relationships.
Let’s take it in prayer. It’s so much better that way.
📖 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” IYKYK.
STRONG’S CONCORDANCE:
Supplication (Greek: deesis - Strong’s G1162): a seeking, asking, entreating, begging; prayer for specific needs
And let’s also pray that the Lord helps us to forgive each and every person in the church that hurt us.
Let’s pray for an understanding, forgiving heart—because surely, we’ve participated in the church hurt of someone else too. And if we haven’t, we’ve participated in hurting someone surely.
None of us are living a life where we’ve never hurt anyone. So let’s keep that in mind so we’re not self-righteous.
THE RECAP: What We Covered
What we covered:
Spirit-Led vs. Flesh-Led → Carnal Christians operate by their five senses and can’t discern the true state of your heart
The High Cost of Intimacy → Intimacy with God requires time, energy, sacrifice, separation, and study—most can’t afford it or refuse to pay
Church as Orientation, Not Relationship Hub → Go to church to learn, but pray to God for relationships
The Root of Church Hurt → We expected godly relationships but encountered humanity’s sin nature
Prayer Over People → Take your need for godly relationships to God first, not church buildings first
Bottom line: Church hurt happens when we expect Spirit-filled discernment from carnal Christians and godly relationships from buildings instead of seeking both from God in prayer.
PRAY OUT
Father God, we thank You for this word. Heal every person reading this from church hurt. Help us forgive those who wounded us in Your name. Give us wisdom to discern the difference between flesh-led and Spirit-led believers. Lead us to relationships built on Your foundation, not human effort. And Lord, help us be the kind of believers others can safely connect with—Spirit-filled, discerning, compassionate, and led by You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
CLOSING
I love you with the love of Christ. And I will say it if no one else ever says it to you:
I’m sorry for the way they hurt you in those church buildings.
I’m sorry for the poor examples you witnessed in church leadership.
I’m sorry for the way you’ve been mishandled by Christians.
I am sorry for the many, many times the children of God have treated you in an ungodly way.
I ask that you please forgive them.
I ask that you please forgive me.
I ask that you please forgive us—because I am a child of God as well, so I’m with them. I’m included.
Please forgive us. Even if we don’t deserve it, I’m asking you to forgive us anyway.
I’m asking you to do for us what the Lord did for you: He forgave you not because you were deserving, but because He loved you and because you asked Him to.
So please forgive us—not because we’re deserving, but because I, on behalf of us, am asking you to show us mercy and forgive us.
And you have my mercy. And I forgive you.
Thank you for walking with me through The Recap.
Until next time, stay forever #lockedinChrist.